As a local outdoor gear shop, we’re always here to educate people about the things that they need for an adventure. But what about the things that you don’t need? The conversation doesn’t always take us there. It’s important to remember that just because it exists, doesn’t mean that it’s useful. Particularly in Colorado. Our climate is different. Our critters are different. And let’s be honest, you just can’t get away with some of the things here that you can get away with in Delaware. So, if you’re hitting the trail in Colorado, feel free to leave this stuff at home.
1. Snake Bite Kit
Yes, we have rattlesnakes. No, you likely won’t get bitten. If you do, don’t use a snake bite kit. Also, unless you’re classically trained as a surgeon, you probably shouldn’t cut an X in the wound and try to suck out the venom. You’ll likely just make the situation worse and it hasn’t been proven to help. Many rattlesnake bites are dry bites, and your best bet is to just stay calm and get help. But all things considered, you’re much more likely to get bitten by a dog or your hiking partner.
2. Bear Bell
Yes, we also have bears. No, they don’t want to kill you. Black bears are not commonly aggressive like their grizzly brethren, and if you give them a wide berth they’ll typically pay you little attention. And there is little evidence that bear bells work. If you’re truly worried about sneaking up on a bear, casual conversation with your hiking partner will suffice. You can sound the dinner bell if you’d like but you’re much more likely to annoy the hikers around you than the wildlife.
3. Rambo Knife
Again, the bears don’t want to kill you. Besides, they’re packing 10 Rambo knives, it still won’t be a fair fight. A small, simple knife will work for all of your needs.
4. 100% Deet Cancer Spray
Having grown up in Indiana, trust me, people in Colorado have no idea what it is like to live with mosquitos. With a few exceptions, Colorado is probably much more bug-free than your home state. Unless you’re spending a lot of time around standing water, which we don’t have in abundance, you’re unlikely to encounter major mosquito issues. Furthermore, ticks are only an issue in isolated areas. As a result, Lyme Disease is virtually non-existent in Colorado. Save the spray for your trip to Texas.
5. Canned Oxygen That You Bought at 7-Eleven
Stop it with this. I’m skeptical of any medical-use product that you can buy at a gas station. Yes, altitude sickness can be dreadful, and potentially dangerous, but there is still no evidence that canned oxygen that you bought at a convenience store provides any meaningful relief. Drink lots of water, and if altitude sickness hits hard, get your butt off of the mountain.
6. That Stupid Orange Plastic Hammer
Yes, we see them everywhere. The first stone tools were used by transitional humans 2.5 million years ago. Good news: those stone tools are still out there. If you need to hammer in your tent stakes, Colorado has an abundance of rocks. All over the ground. It’s the largest free toolbox of all time!
7. Hand-Pump Water Filters
Nearly all of the water that you will encounter in Colorado will be moving water, which means it will largely be free and clear of silt. Clear water can be treated with a Steripen or water treatment tablets. This is a much lighter option, and in many cases, more efficient. And let’s just be honest, pumping water sucks.
I’m traveling to Colorado and this has been one of the best page articles I have read so far (I’ve read alot). Its simple, straight forward, and super entertaining to read. Love the bluntness and sense of humor. Had to read it all again. #5 had me cracking up. Thank you for this Jimmy Funkhouser.